severe blues

feelin' broken, feelin' wasted, feelin' like i'm scratching my head before the hanging tree, these feelings i have are distinctly unpleasant, manuals of meditation say you just have to note the feelings down, but these feelings consume my blood and almost boil over to the point where i am afraid that i will lose control of my actions, yes, that piece of wood is a prefect size to smash into someone's head... the world is turning ugly, the world is turning sour, ain't nothing to do with the world of course, just these eyes through which i am seeing things, so much more though than just these eyes; waves of feeling, an avalanche of feelings...the dusty bottom of the barrel is being scrapped in regard to what i have to do to maintain a basic form of sanity, feel like i'm going under, feel like the experiences of life that roll on up to me are soon going to have enough force to push me over and yeah i'm gonna be lying there on a bed somewhere too weak to get up, feelin' destroyed, as it all washes over me with lines of babylon drummers poundin' spikes of life-failure deeper into my flesh, thoughts like these whirlin' beneath the unforgivin' clouds...how has it come to this?

Hay Fever Blues

Woke up today with mny head full of jumbo. Those are the breaks when hay fever is around. Clear skies, bright sun an' air stuffed full of pollen. Bliss for those to happen to hate life...

All day feelin' tired, knocked out from the hay-o. Been like walkin' through mud, a spanky da wincin' pain in de ass. See my face in the mirror an' see the beginnings of an old man. Energy low. Been the kinda day where I feel so low in energy it can only attract misfortune. Butter fingers alll day. Not handling things too well. Don't mean that on a mind level although even with mind there's been a bit o' ruff a duff puff, but mean it on a physical level. Been picking up and handling things all day in way which just ain't quite hittin' the spot. Not quite there, and dropped a few things as well. Nuthin' too valuable, more just the fact that the tiredness left me reeling. Had to sit an' drink a cup of tea on a soft leather sofa in IKEA when I went shopping there for chairs with Tamdin. Feet fizzin' from all the walking I've done today which in actual fact ain't that much, just feels like it is. Walkin' through mud, like I said, a gwumping spanky da wincin' jack ass dandyation...

Better day though as far as keeping things like my anger in check, but maybe it is just that the hay-o that has punched me in the face, an' it has naturally resulted in me taking a few steps back from the heat o' de action. Yeah, bright and sunny today with temps hot. Little things seemed not to go my way but like I said the irritation that I felt over not getting da breaks that I thought I was due could have been a lot worse. Ain't gonna put that down to any extra special mental development on my part, or anything like that. Jus' the luck of the draw pure an' simple. Catch me on another day an' I could have been left fizzin' over the exact same things, like I said the hay-o must have had something to do with it, punched me back a bit from the front line. Knocked me back from the ha ha hee hees.

Ghost of Stanley Road

Eric made my day last week, there he was out the back yard in Stanley Road, blacking out the windows of the old derelict house he owns and which no one has lived in ever since we've been there, which is coming up to 10 years now.

Told him it looked pretty damn medeival, like a plague house or something. Pepys would have been familiar with it, that's for sure. He said in reply "yeah the ghost won't like it, that's for sure." I kinda asked him staight away, "what, do you think the place is haunted then Eric?", and he replied quick as a flash, "I don't think it, I fucking know it is, and what's more I know who the ghost is as well." An old woman he said, an old woman who lived in the house for many years and then was moved outta there two days before she died.

Gotta say I was happy when he said that, pleased as punch, as it just confirmed for me what I had suspected for quite a while, and that was there was most certainly something there in the shadows of that old house, something that was out of the normal range of things that are perceived in the bright light of day, things like the sun, sky, trees and cats.

Many times I have been out back in the 1st floor warehouse an' i have opened the window, looked out across the yard an' thought that outta the corner of my eye I have seen something, and then it is gone. But quick don't even come close to describing it, 'coz as as soon as I see it, it is long gone. Eric's confirmation to me really was a 'eavens above an' cor blimey knock me down with a feather I kind you not moment.

Thought for a long time the old derelict house was haunted. ain't no doubt about it. Ghost. Just too quick to see. So many times when I have opened the side window I thought or rather felt I have seen something which, quicker than the snap of yer fingers, has disapperead. However that in no way takes away from the sense of presence I had that something was there an' that it was watchin'. My feeling from it is always that it is timid, shy, scared even, and so often that feeling has hit me in the heart. The Tibetan word for heart is "nying" and the Tibetan word for compassion is "nying je" - almost means feeling from the heart or heart feeling. Gotta say that that is always the feeling I get when I encounter the presence of the ghost. A feeling from the heart, a feeling of compassion for it.

So like I said as far as I'm concerned the building next but one along from where I work on Stanley Road is most definitely 100% haunted. Guess maybe the word haunted gives the wrong kinda picture. It ain't a question of long thin wailing spooky shapes flyin' through the air or anything like that. Like I said, it is more a question of presence and of what first appears to be little more than a trick of the eye. Yeah, so many times I have gone out the back for a breather from the crushing monotony of office life, opened the side window and then immediatetly said to myself "hey bro, did I just see something or wot?" So many times over the years, so many times I have asked that question an' now Eric has answered. "Yeah bro, ya most certainly did!"

Best thing about it was listening to the comeplete and utter certainty of Eric. "Think it? I fuckin' know it!" It was like he was talking about what he had seen on TV the night before or something like, so matter of fact it sounded. I mean, Eric ain't the kind of guy to waste his time watchin' or readin' stuff on ghosts or the paranormal or anything like that...no way Jose, he's a Cockney master fixer and our landlord to boot, but all the same you will never be able to shake hiom in his belief that there is a ghost in that old derelict house next to us. Simple mate, is what he will say, there's a ghjost there and that is all there it to it.

When we were talkin' he went on to tell me about the ghosts that there were up in Saffron Walden, loads of ghosts from the English Civil War, Cromwell's ghosts. Lively old ghosts up there in the buildings of Saffron Walden. Tall tales maybe, spook jobs no doubt but ya have to keep ya eyes open all the same.

Funny thing was next day Eric was balcking out another window round the back an' he fell offf his ladder. Bruised his legs and quite ruined his weekend by all accounts. In his mind there was only one culrpit, yeah baby you guessed it, the ghost of Stanley Road.

ghost o' da Stanley
ya doesnae wanna
do no hee hees there
'coz ya might getta bite
in da palm o' ya manly

Dreams Visions Voices

Monday morn, what can I say, not the highest point of the week for feelings of inspiration. Aint that so? Woke up after a night of strange dreams. Well, not a night, just like the last few mins before waking up. For some reason one of the dreams was set in Laos, a place I've never been to before. Hadda hospital in it, an' palms by the sea. In another I was getting in a car in the middle of the night, kinda late goin' somewhere but I dunno where, vague sense of not getting it together to make a move, one of those caught somewhere in time dreams. Thomas was in the dream, my sister as well...and some other relatives, got kinda confusing after that.

Meditation this mornin' and I had a feeling of bright of chunks o' light lodged in my body, light wedges on the left side, don't kinda know what that means but it felt OK, in fact I felt pretty focused on the rise belly, fall belly. Maybe aliens visited in the night, fiddled around with me an' doin' the med let me bathe in the afterglow. Well, maybe yea, maybe no. Maybe jus' a fact that it is only madness that awaits...

Does life get more boring as you get older? Kinda difficult to say for all but as far as I go I guess the answer could be yes. Sometimes I look around an' see the grains of sand fallin' out the bottom of the glass and I wonder to myself in a kinda panic is that it? Is this all that it is gonna be? Trampin' round like a ghost for a few more years, who knows how many years scrumpin' we got, scrumpin' round to an' fro with all the crazy old thoughts I have banging round my round 'ead. Doin' half ass things that make no sense to anyone an' pretendin' that I'm gettin' on down the road to the light, when really all I'm doin' is jus' ghostin'.

Writin' this as I snatch pieces of time here an' there from what I'm supposed to be doin' at work. Well what am I supposed to be doin'? Guess I'm my own man when it comes to that really, as long as I keep things together so the whole joint don't go under. Apart from that, the ambitions I hold for company expansion an' stuff like that are pretty low grade I have to say (me ain't no Branno), an' things are probably gonna remain the same for a few more years to come, that is if we sign a new lease an' all. Then if things roll on, stagger on, trundle like a bundle on, till the end of the next lease term I'll be nearly 60 an' then it will be time to be led out to pasture, an old horse munchin' hay, daft as a brush, as long as I ain't dun nuthin' ta scruff da tufty.

So the main challenge in the meantime is keeping my hair on when things 'av a dip in the shit as they tend to from time to time. Dealing, when they surface, with those feelings of bitterness and disappointment over the fact that I have done so little with my life, and handling in a dignified kinda way the crushing boredom that goes with doin' a 9-5 Mon to Fri pen pushin' job in a dusty, dirty an' forgotten part of old East London. An' oh yeah, accommodating da mogg pandys uzzying the ug ug, makin' crazy voices inside my head as I go trampin' through the rust zone on this rollin' planet, jus' like a lonely ole' ghos' eternal...

From Down by the River

Sittin' down by the river, waitin' for the riverboat. Middle of June, weather kinda cloudy today but temps are hot an' sticky. Too much walkin' in the city soon exhausts ya. Supposed to see Buzz this AM to give him some solace over his broken heart but Buzz wasn't there when I went to his place. All I could do was wait around for 5-10 mins in the mid-morning heat an' then move on. His dog was barking by the window an' he looked all alone although for all I knew Buzz could have been in there lyin' dead on the carpet.

My plan was simple from there on in - head straight into the city and see the Richard Long exhibition at Tate Britain. Idea was to get a riverboat from Bankside to Millbank an' that is kinda exactly what I'm doin'. Guess it's a case of trying something different, I mean I have been down this part of the river 100s of X before but never been out on the water like I am now, sittin' on the end of the pier being rocked gently by the waters, lettin' the westerly breezes blow through my greyin' hair that sits on top of this crazy head of mine.

Tide is low and people are down the steps an' on the shores north an' south. That's the feminine awesome for ya, she's a tidal lady an' swings to the sway o' da moon. Peaceful down here, only a coupla others waitin' and it is all a nice contrast to the busyness up above where as usual there are so many people buggin' up the scene, buggin' me as I try to make my way through their ever-presence. Different faces thas' all. Bodies all the same. The tourist gawkin' an' their hungry wunda...Quiet down here...the lapping of the waters against the metal pier, the fast flowin' waters headin' down to the big sea about 30 miles east. Brown river water, fast movin' awesome.

Read about the Richard Long stuff in a paper a few weeks ago. He's a man who walks all over the earth, takes photos of where's he's been an' writes about the places, makes compositions on the land with land stuff. Saw of few of his pix in the paper an' though yeah I'd like to go an' see 'em blown up big in that famous pix place o' London down by the weepin' river. So that is what I'm doin.

Sittin' here on the pier and across the water I see a sign that says Samuel Pepys Bar Now Open. Kinda funny sometimes how things in the world pull togther. It was only a few days ago when I was walkin' down forgotten roads round the Waterloo area, roads that were full of an atmosphere of beautiful desolation. When I was there I walked into a 2nd hand book shop that was empty an' bought a copy of a book called Restoration London. It was just the kinda shop where you had to buy a book from. Flickin' through the book today I notice one of the main sources of information for what it contains comes from good old uncle Sam. Guess ya could say he has been a hero of mine for a few years now. The description of his death at the end of Claire Tomalin's The Unequalled Self brought tears to my eyes when I read it first time around. Like so much of London history ya get the feeling that Samuel Pepys will live forever. Hope so anyway 'coz even the briefest reading of his diaries will allow those who have their eyes open to see that he was a man well ahead of his time.

Slept pretty well last night, an' was able to meditate this mornin' no problem. Body relaxed, body refreshed. As ya get older things like that make so much difference. In the early hours dreamt that a plane crashed in the waters of London. Don't know where exactly but it must have been somewhere close to where I live as I saw it from the window of the living room. Remember standin' there an' callin' to Tamdin to come see.

All above written by the river early afternoon. Now evening.

Saw the Richard Long exhibition. Not quite as good as what I was expectin'. All a bit...dunno. He certainly can churn them out, whatever it is he's churnin'. Mud, stones, elements an' stuff like that. Maps stuff he was OK on but the photos I was expectin' more of a wow factor than what I got an' as it was the photos that had drawn to go see him after seeing them in the paper I would have to say I was disappointed with I got.

But that is 100% OK an' it don't mean for no second I enjoyed it any less than what I would have done if I had downright loved it. Eat the paradox? Taste the contradiction??

Embrace Ya Limitations

Meditated today an' realised I was a jack-ass an' that a jack-ass was all I was ever gonna be. Kinda funny, made me smile in the midst o' da sadness, but world is world an' ya just gotta roll on. Use it as an energy pick, let it spike ya to do whatever it is ya have to do, knowing the results will rest within the paradigm of ya earthbound limitations.

Down London Town

Took a walk round London the other day; hot steamy day it was a sunny Saturday June afternoon on this rollin' planet...

Ended up in some streets round the corner from Waterloo station south side of the river. Close to the Old Vic. Streets I had kinda known were there but had never got to before. Something specical about them, forgotten wildernesses in the middle of the city but plenty of space an' light about them. Made me realise London is too big to ever know an' it will always make you crawl at some point into the gutter. To think that you are the king and that there is nothing more to discover about the Smoke is like throwing a rope over a branch of a tree and hanging yourself from it by the neck. Suicidal in other words, mighty foolish. London will never be fully known, as someone with Madness said not so long ago we are just..."dancing in the moonlight, standing on borrowed ground"... Enjoy it while you can but don't get too cocky about what you think you know about it, you ain't a Cockney after all.

Heat. It must have been the heat which left me feeling drained that day. London had been too big for me, walking back across the muddy rollin' river to the north side of town I was having to move slow 'coz my eneregy had left me. Picked up the pace a little while later goin' up the Charing X Rd but there were so many people it got vital for me to get outta there, so I trailed off from Totty an' hit the green of Russell Square via the back end of the British Museum. Ended up eating a bag o' fresh chips in a deserted office doorway, on a little road just off Theolbald's Steet. After that it was as much as I could do to stagger to back my Toyo an' drive on home through the Shoreditch trendies an' the old East End.

That night Tamdin was away and after eatin' light I lay on the sofa as the June evening light hung around for hours and hours. Listening to Winwood's Arc of Diver on the Bose. Had picked it up earlier in the day in HMV, one of their 2 cds for a tenner deals. That and the Tom Tom Club. Back to the 80's big time but I don't mind. Just to hear Spansh Dancer again, Night Train and the title track - now that was a time when ya listened to music and it opened up the vistas of infinity, full of hope on the curve of a midnight sun. Yeah baby, I just lay there tuning into those distant echoes...from so many lifetimes ago. At some point I guess I musta have been trying a little too hard an' I fell asleep. When I woke it was as much as I could do to stagger up the stairs.

Don't Fight the Blox

Woke up early didn't get too much sleep last night, so woke up tired, jus' the way it goes sometimes an' there ain't no use complainin'. Sat late in the Sit Place yesterday evening and maybe that led my mind to bein' kinda awake when I went to lie. Went back to the Sit Place this mornin' but couldn't get into it. Too tired, maybe. Too much bright sunlight an' my body felt wrecked; hard to go into those physical feelings sometimes...ya get cowardly if the will ain't there, as if something inside ya is gonna break. Nuthin' is gonna break but your mental focus just ain't what it should be to take things further an' investigate. Comin' up against my limitations. Don't mean it is the same for everyone, just talkin' personal here, strictly talking in the case of me.

Sometimes things appear too hard, too difficult to break into, too much invisible, too many blox. I kinda stay hoverin' around the edges, tryin' to figure out what is goin' on but not quite fully gettin' it, not knowing why I'm feeling like I'm feeling apart from on a physcial level when I know I'm tired. Gotta go further, gotta push more and not be so timid. When the blox are there it can be tough but the trick is not to fight them, give 'em space so that you can walk around them and admire the view. Truth is it ain't quite like that though and the pressure from the blox can quickly do ya in.

Skeleton Daybreak

Get up an' wash, make coffee, clean teeth. Sit in the Sit Place an' do meditation. It is only an amplification of what should always be there anyway...an awareness of an eternal state of being; jus' turned up a little bit louder, that's all. Rise belly, fall belly...on and on.

Like on a rope bridge you have to walk steady if ya don't wanna fall into the abyss below but all the same there can different ways of walkin'. For those with a lot of fear they might have to crawl across, for those that are brighter a certain amount of license can be given. Just as long as you don't let go completely, then it is possible to go some distance suspended over the void. Yeah man, suspend yourself in space with one hand clapping, you can go quite far if you are feeling inquisitive and the scenery appeals. Just remember to always come back to the bridge though, 'coz ya don't wanna get lost forever.

Sittin' an' breathin'. You know the body feels different dependin' on the time of day. If ya sleep well then in the morning the body is light and pliant, ain't no doubt about that. Muscles an' organs so fleshy man. Also so ephemeral. Skin is stronger, more like leather and can stretch out over centuries when entombed. Hair an' nails, they last a long time as well. But none have the iron like longevity of yer skeleton. That man can almost last forever. Almost but not quite of course 'coz forever is a long time but all the same, skeletons are built to last.

Ya breathe, ya rise belly fall belly, ya meditate on skeleton when all else is taken away...yer crazy mind, yer crazy thoughts, those pumpin' vital organs an' ya very heart...then ya just have skeleton. An abscence of thrill after the show has gone but an honesty of statement. Tramp forward baby, go 100 yrs into the future an' take a look back. There you'll see - on a green hill under skies still as blue as they are today with clouds awesome in shape rollin' across them - lies ya skeleton. Stripped clean of all this livin' an' strife an' tryin' ta make sense of yerself an other people. Intact. Skull, hollow eye sockets, teeth, vertebrae, arms, legs, pelvis, hips...many day breaks come an' gone but still there lies skeleton.

Meditate now an' feel yours solid as a rock supporting ya, it knows so much more about this planet than you could ever imagine. Been shaped by the millions of rollin' tumbles round the sun that Earth has been on. It is where things have got to in terms of creation. Maybe later there will be better to come, no one knows after all what is in the future. Yeah baby, maybe later better to come. But for now all praise to skeleton, ultimate piece of natural machinery, most definitely copyright Planet Earth. Half close yer eyes an' set in motion the rise belly fall belly. Say big hello 2 your skeleton.

On the Thames

Ole' River Thames
Awesome feminine
Rise tide, fall tide
By cycles of the moon
On and on and on
Women of London
Go to the river
Feminine awesome
Rollin' along
Mind of no mind
On shores by the river
Rise tide, fall tide
On and on and on
Feminine awesome
Prayers to the river
On and on...

Makin' Tracks

Trials and tribulations, just workin' it through, pleasure an' pain. Some days good, some days bad, who knows what the world will bring? Gotta stay thankful as much as ya can. Easier said than done of course but good for ya energy if ya can manage it. Ya doesnae wanna let da Boo Boyz o' da mind get to ya...

Goin' through phases at the moment where some days are more filled with stress than others. Gotta embrace the so called negative feelings. Last thing to do is try an' chase them away. Let them rest, let them be. That is what meditation can give ya, the stillness, the purity of breathin' that dissolves the dislocation, the tendency to bring in complications where no complications are necessary. Yeah man at the end of the day it is really quite simple. We live, we breath, our lives go on makin' tracks in the energy sphere of this unfathomable planet, then one we die and the accumulation of all those experiences, all the repetitons, all those do ya or don't yas is gone...into the distance. Some way towards the big centre.

Beautiful day now, late afternoon eatly evening. Comin' up to the middle of June. Supposed to be a long hot summer, kinda said as much about it the other day but as it happens the weather aint broke out o' it's cover yet. Still cool, cold even and mucho clouditos an' specs o' rain ta fock up de day. Enuff ta bring ya down when it is like this for what seems like weeks on end. Makes ya realise how little really great weather this country gets. Kinda gives ya thoughts of buyin' a place in the sun and livin' it good on a beach somewhere in Spain. No more pain. Ain't like that of course but blue sky dreamin' has always been a weakness of mine.

Problem with me is I'm such a half ass it is as much as I can do to really seriously think about moving house or changin' my career...well career ain't really the proper word even...job more like. Job job, slog slog. Day after the day. How we do it, well sometimes I dunno. 20 years an' countin'. Me behind my desk in the corner crackin' the whip, pushin' it all along keeping things busy. All things are finite though an' one day man it will all just seem like a crazy dream. Well actually for the most part I guess a boring kinda crazy dream but there ya go, it has had it's moments.

That is what I mean about makin' tracks. We live our lives makin' tracks. Every minute, every second. Yeah, I truly believe that every single thing we do is remembered, noted down somewhere and that one day - who knows when - there will be a reckoning an' ya know I don't mean that as some kinda threat or anything like that. Jus' fact. Makin' tracks in the invisible is what we do, the inconceivable complications of existence surround us as we spin on and on...love it really, yeah I do, jus' like to have my head above the water sometimes thas' all.

Sittin' a lot at the moment. When I say sittin' I mean sittin' meditation. Only place to be baby, only place to be. Belly rise, belly fall, breath of the Buddha. On and on and on and on, jus' makin' tracks in the invisible. Just can't get enough of it. Think it has a bit to do with changin' my sittin' position at the beginning of the year. Yeah man, beginning of '09. Back then it was kinda forced on me 'coz I could no longer sit on the ground an'cross my legs anymore. Couldn't stand another minute of trying to hack it on the floor. Just had to move upwards so ta speak an' sit on a chair. Jus' like the Roshi said all those years ago when revolution was in the air; sometimes worst horse ie best horse an' yeah that is kinda pretty much how I feel about it at the moment.

Worst horse is the best horse. If I were a full fledged man o' Zen I would like to open a Sit Place an' call it Worst Horse Zendo. So cool, so beautiful, so rise belly, fall belly. The Roshi says so many fantastic things about meditation in his book that it has taken me nearly 20 years just ta get to the point of hoping that I begin ta understand it. Which I don't.

Readin' Zen, sitting zazen...on and on for ever and ever, makin' tracks. So good, so simple so utterly the right thing to do with yer life it is simply unbelievable. Just going through that inspired period when as soon as ya sit in the Sit Place it is boom an' there you are with ya precious breathin' body. It is more in touch than you are with what is really goin' on. Yeah man, ya body is more in touch than yer crazy monkey mind.

The rise belly, fall belly breath of the buddha...on and on, into infinity, makin' tracks. Boredom kinda seeps in but the point is that there ain't nuthin' wrong with that. How can I describe it? Yeah man, sat meditation, had an incredibly boring time - got up at the end of it feeling absolutely fantastic, completely an' utterly awesome. Get it? See the point of no point do ya?? Do ya taste the paradox and can ya eat the contradiction???

What Meditation Is 2 Me

Meditation is takin' refuge in the invisible indestructibility of an ever replenishing cosmic luminosity. From the realms of experience as ya walk, sit, sleep an' eat on this planet it is meditation that should be the crown jewel of yer orientation. And that baby, is that. Ain't nuthin' more to be said about it.

Rise belly, fall belly, breath of a Buddha...

The Books of Carlos Castaneda

If at some point in your life you happen to come across the writings of Carlos Castaneda, here are the books of his that I would recommend. This list is also the order in which the books were published and in which they should be read if you wish to fully appreciate the teachings contained within them.

The Teachings of Don Juan
A Separate Reality
Journey to Ixtlan
Tales of Power
Second Ring of Power
Eagle's Gift
Fire From Within
Power of Silence
Art of Dreaming
Active Side of Infinity

Enjoy!

Work Blues 2

I write this blog, tryin' to stay calm, tryin' to stay focused but it is easier said than done boy, it is easier said than done. It is true sometimes when they say you can feel the walls closin' in. Too much suffocation. Can lead to accidents, or to doing things which in the cold light of day you would say you never intended to do. But that is the point, you are being taken to a place where the calm reasoning side of your nature is bein' squeezed like a lemon.

Situations can come along which betray the deep feelings of bitterness I can still have towards my life. Yeah, easy to say on the one hand Buddha Boy that it is karma and that it must be gone through in order to come out the other side properly cleansed, but the question is if you let it perpetuate it might gone on for ever an' ever. Never fuckin' end. An' if that is the case why not sling a rope over a branch of the nearest tree and swing from the end of it? By the neck of course. Is it really such a sin?

It is supposed to be going to be a long hot summer for the citizens of Lud but I very much doubt that there is going to be much fun for me when I fall into these kinda mental landscapes of scrapin' negative thud. Strain an' suffering all the way are the only things that I can see on the horizon. Don't know what the autumn will be like and at the moment a part of me doesn't really care, whilst at the same time a part of me cares oh so very much. 1989-2009 is 20 years at my current occupation. Might be getting close to the point now of calling it a day.

Tryin' to Steady the Ship

Try to stay focused as much you can. Always be mindful, sad days may be on their way. Try to keep balance. When things occur that you feel should not occur remember nothing happens by accident. Keep looking clearly. The way events turn out is not known until they hapopen, so don't fret. If you try to control things you are acting from a position of fear, what do you have to lose? Why worry about things, hoping they will turn out the way you think they should? Is the way you see really the best way? It is possible that it isn't, and that you don't see clearly at all the truth of the situation.

It might be that what should happen in your life is what you fear the most yet you try your hardest to prevent it from happening. Bad news could be good for you. In the long term it might be what you need. Things might turn out far better if you don't interfere and let things take their natural course. Certainly you should be honest and state your case but that is as far as you need to go. When it comes to others and trying to control them you will find that it is impossible. So be calm and rest in the knowledge that you have done what you can do and if that is not enough to prevent certain events occuring then accept they should be allowed to happen.

Who has ever been able to stop a wave from crashing upon the shore?