Makin' Tracks

Trials and tribulations, just workin' it through, pleasure an' pain. Some days good, some days bad, who knows what the world will bring? Gotta stay thankful as much as ya can. Easier said than done of course but good for ya energy if ya can manage it. Ya doesnae wanna let da Boo Boyz o' da mind get to ya...

Goin' through phases at the moment where some days are more filled with stress than others. Gotta embrace the so called negative feelings. Last thing to do is try an' chase them away. Let them rest, let them be. That is what meditation can give ya, the stillness, the purity of breathin' that dissolves the dislocation, the tendency to bring in complications where no complications are necessary. Yeah man at the end of the day it is really quite simple. We live, we breath, our lives go on makin' tracks in the energy sphere of this unfathomable planet, then one we die and the accumulation of all those experiences, all the repetitons, all those do ya or don't yas is gone...into the distance. Some way towards the big centre.

Beautiful day now, late afternoon eatly evening. Comin' up to the middle of June. Supposed to be a long hot summer, kinda said as much about it the other day but as it happens the weather aint broke out o' it's cover yet. Still cool, cold even and mucho clouditos an' specs o' rain ta fock up de day. Enuff ta bring ya down when it is like this for what seems like weeks on end. Makes ya realise how little really great weather this country gets. Kinda gives ya thoughts of buyin' a place in the sun and livin' it good on a beach somewhere in Spain. No more pain. Ain't like that of course but blue sky dreamin' has always been a weakness of mine.

Problem with me is I'm such a half ass it is as much as I can do to really seriously think about moving house or changin' my career...well career ain't really the proper word even...job more like. Job job, slog slog. Day after the day. How we do it, well sometimes I dunno. 20 years an' countin'. Me behind my desk in the corner crackin' the whip, pushin' it all along keeping things busy. All things are finite though an' one day man it will all just seem like a crazy dream. Well actually for the most part I guess a boring kinda crazy dream but there ya go, it has had it's moments.

That is what I mean about makin' tracks. We live our lives makin' tracks. Every minute, every second. Yeah, I truly believe that every single thing we do is remembered, noted down somewhere and that one day - who knows when - there will be a reckoning an' ya know I don't mean that as some kinda threat or anything like that. Jus' fact. Makin' tracks in the invisible is what we do, the inconceivable complications of existence surround us as we spin on and on...love it really, yeah I do, jus' like to have my head above the water sometimes thas' all.

Sittin' a lot at the moment. When I say sittin' I mean sittin' meditation. Only place to be baby, only place to be. Belly rise, belly fall, breath of the Buddha. On and on and on and on, jus' makin' tracks in the invisible. Just can't get enough of it. Think it has a bit to do with changin' my sittin' position at the beginning of the year. Yeah man, beginning of '09. Back then it was kinda forced on me 'coz I could no longer sit on the ground an'cross my legs anymore. Couldn't stand another minute of trying to hack it on the floor. Just had to move upwards so ta speak an' sit on a chair. Jus' like the Roshi said all those years ago when revolution was in the air; sometimes worst horse ie best horse an' yeah that is kinda pretty much how I feel about it at the moment.

Worst horse is the best horse. If I were a full fledged man o' Zen I would like to open a Sit Place an' call it Worst Horse Zendo. So cool, so beautiful, so rise belly, fall belly. The Roshi says so many fantastic things about meditation in his book that it has taken me nearly 20 years just ta get to the point of hoping that I begin ta understand it. Which I don't.

Readin' Zen, sitting zazen...on and on for ever and ever, makin' tracks. So good, so simple so utterly the right thing to do with yer life it is simply unbelievable. Just going through that inspired period when as soon as ya sit in the Sit Place it is boom an' there you are with ya precious breathin' body. It is more in touch than you are with what is really goin' on. Yeah man, ya body is more in touch than yer crazy monkey mind.

The rise belly, fall belly breath of the buddha...on and on, into infinity, makin' tracks. Boredom kinda seeps in but the point is that there ain't nuthin' wrong with that. How can I describe it? Yeah man, sat meditation, had an incredibly boring time - got up at the end of it feeling absolutely fantastic, completely an' utterly awesome. Get it? See the point of no point do ya?? Do ya taste the paradox and can ya eat the contradiction???