Dreams Visions Voices

Monday morn, what can I say, not the highest point of the week for feelings of inspiration. Aint that so? Woke up after a night of strange dreams. Well, not a night, just like the last few mins before waking up. For some reason one of the dreams was set in Laos, a place I've never been to before. Hadda hospital in it, an' palms by the sea. In another I was getting in a car in the middle of the night, kinda late goin' somewhere but I dunno where, vague sense of not getting it together to make a move, one of those caught somewhere in time dreams. Thomas was in the dream, my sister as well...and some other relatives, got kinda confusing after that.

Meditation this mornin' and I had a feeling of bright of chunks o' light lodged in my body, light wedges on the left side, don't kinda know what that means but it felt OK, in fact I felt pretty focused on the rise belly, fall belly. Maybe aliens visited in the night, fiddled around with me an' doin' the med let me bathe in the afterglow. Well, maybe yea, maybe no. Maybe jus' a fact that it is only madness that awaits...

Does life get more boring as you get older? Kinda difficult to say for all but as far as I go I guess the answer could be yes. Sometimes I look around an' see the grains of sand fallin' out the bottom of the glass and I wonder to myself in a kinda panic is that it? Is this all that it is gonna be? Trampin' round like a ghost for a few more years, who knows how many years scrumpin' we got, scrumpin' round to an' fro with all the crazy old thoughts I have banging round my round 'ead. Doin' half ass things that make no sense to anyone an' pretendin' that I'm gettin' on down the road to the light, when really all I'm doin' is jus' ghostin'.

Writin' this as I snatch pieces of time here an' there from what I'm supposed to be doin' at work. Well what am I supposed to be doin'? Guess I'm my own man when it comes to that really, as long as I keep things together so the whole joint don't go under. Apart from that, the ambitions I hold for company expansion an' stuff like that are pretty low grade I have to say (me ain't no Branno), an' things are probably gonna remain the same for a few more years to come, that is if we sign a new lease an' all. Then if things roll on, stagger on, trundle like a bundle on, till the end of the next lease term I'll be nearly 60 an' then it will be time to be led out to pasture, an old horse munchin' hay, daft as a brush, as long as I ain't dun nuthin' ta scruff da tufty.

So the main challenge in the meantime is keeping my hair on when things 'av a dip in the shit as they tend to from time to time. Dealing, when they surface, with those feelings of bitterness and disappointment over the fact that I have done so little with my life, and handling in a dignified kinda way the crushing boredom that goes with doin' a 9-5 Mon to Fri pen pushin' job in a dusty, dirty an' forgotten part of old East London. An' oh yeah, accommodating da mogg pandys uzzying the ug ug, makin' crazy voices inside my head as I go trampin' through the rust zone on this rollin' planet, jus' like a lonely ole' ghos' eternal...