Just gone 10.30 pm Tuesday nite. Coming up towards the end of Jan. Didn't start drinking till quite late tonight; when I did it was when Tamdin got back from the clinic just before 8 and by 9 we had both had 2 large gin and tonics each. 2 large gin and tonics. Don't drink so much when Tamdin is not around but when she is then I could be looking at an average of 4 nights a week. Minimum. Think myself it is a little bit too much but when you are living as a couple it can be a bit difficult to always turn around and say no when the other feels thirsty. In fact most of the time I am ready for one anyway, never in the day but when evening comes around it is a different story.
The effect from gin usually is a little bit of a delayed one. You can be buzzing for a good 1/2 hour or so after you have finished but then it hits you. Just in fact begun to write this up after waking up in my chair in the lounge after having fallen asleep watching the news. Just nodded off. Some shit going on the tube about super casinos and the next thing I know it is nearly 10.30. Just couldn't keep my eyes open. Tamdin has already taken herself off to bed. She was done in over an hour ago. I guess we never over-indulge but at the same we make sure we have enough. For example if we open a bottle of wine then the chances are that between us we will finish it. In fact there are no chances, it is a stone cold certainty. If we have a beer then it will be at least 2 big bottles each. And if we have gin then like tonight it will at least be a couple of large ones. When Tamdin is away and I am here on my own then I really try to stay off the booze completely. But like I said when we are both around it is a different story. Booze, booze, booze. Guess at the end of the day we are not so different to countless millions of other folk in this country. Just trying to get through the winter in one piece. Well I guess talking like that can make it sound like some kind of excuse. At the end of the day it is just down to habit. Once you have got the taste for some alcoholic refreshment in the evening time then it is tough to turn the tap off. The prospect of sticking to a fruit juice can suddenly seem like a lousy stinkin' deal.
Well I have to say that just over a week ago I bought my first ipod. Guess the fact that I hadn't got round to buying one and didn't know what it was that I had to do to get my music on one was bugging me. In fact if truth be told it had been mildly bugging me for some time, somehow adding to the long dark list of things that I fear only exist to expose my inadequacies. My severe inadquacies as a justifiable human... So after coming back from India this time I made the promise to myself to do something about it. And lo and behold I have done just that and got myself podded up. The result is that I have now spent a good few hours over the last week burning all kinds of music from my rather extensive CD collection on the hard drive of my laptop, and then from there I can transfer the music files onto my ipod via the Apple itunes programme. It is all rather simple really, not too complicated at all and it has only involved one return trip to the Apple store in Oxford Street to sort out a minor technical problem before I was completely up and running.
Now I have realised that I should have got a bigger ipod as the ipod nano that I bought for 159 quid has already nearly been filled and I haven't even started to really get going yet in terms of compiling playlists and stuff like that. At the moment I have been concentrating on getting a lot of the rockier CDs in my collection onto the laptop and from there onto the pod. So there is a lot of Purple, Leppard, AC/DC, Hendrix, Free and Zeppelin swilling around at the moment. Don't really know if I enjoy listening to my music any better though. Guess it is early days and I will just have to see how things go. But the danger is getting lost in the things which really should only be secondary to the actual experience of listening to music... like sitting in front of the lap top for hours and dreaming up various complilations to make into playlists. In fact it can get very addictive sitting in front of the screen dragging things from here to there and then never actually going away and listening whatever it is that you are expending so much mental energy on trying to put together. Very strange. Another activity to add to the very many these days than leave one feeling rather unsatisfied.
In the end there becomes this quest you become involved in for the perfect playlist, the compilation of tracks from my music collection that will simply hammer into the ground all that had gone before and that will leave anyone whoever happens to listen to it completely and utterly flabbergasted...some hope...no hope. But it won't stop me wasting a few more hours on it yet. In fact to pass on a little secret in the ipod playlist department I have to say that I think the trick is to keep the compilations reasonably short. Between 12 - 15 songs that take up an hour or just over is really more than enough.
Getting tired now. Been writing for the best part of 45 mins and that is probably enough for me. Guess that is another secret...never write for too long. Never stay until you are scratching around for things to say, like a loser. Keep it brief and don't be afraid to fuck off out of it when the thoughts dry up. Good time now to hit the sack and let then remains of the gins from a couple of hours ago swim round and then out of my system. In fact the best way of putting a cap on all this instead of going on and on is to post it.
Guru Padmasambhava Invocation Hill
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Flying Back Into Kathmandu
Flying back into Kathmandu after a gap over 18 years was a strange experience. The city lay in an early afternoon faint winter mist with the white sun shining on through from above. It appeared to have vastly expanded since I was last there but at the same time it seemed familiar. 18 years ago I had travelled into the centre of town in the back of a rickshaw and I had been utterly amazed at the variety of street life that had been paraded before me as I experienced my first taste of Asia. Buffaloes, cows, oxen and carts and any kind of road vehicle that you could care to think of. It had been a brilliantly sunny day back then in late October ’88. This time things were different. Now I was in the back of a taxi and heading for the Tibet Guest House in Thamel, a place that I had sourced from the Internet and emailed through my reservation. On the ride in it was clear that traffic in the city had exploded and clearly the car was king, just as it was virtually everywhere else.
The previous few weeks for me back in London had been pretty bleak. December time. Tamdin had already left for India and I was left in the house in Woodford on my own, skulking about in the evenings on the slow draw up to Christmas. The weather had been dark and dour back then, not particularly cold but not much light either. A serial killer in East Anglia had dominated the news. There had also been problems at work with the whole heating system packing up due to the death of the 30-year old boiler in the warehouse and questions were hanging heavy over who was going to pay for it all; us or the landlord. Shitty stuff like that. It all added up to me feeling unsure whether or not it had been a good decision to buy a ticket to go out to Kathmandu to try and buy stuff for Wisdom Books to sell on the website, the main part of the business which over the last few months had seemed like it was doing OK. The idea was to source some decent statues and stuff like that in Kathmandu and so expand our range of product. Then after that was done I would take a flight back to Delhi and on to Bangalore in the south to spend a week with Tamdin and the family in Bylakuppe, the Tibetan settlement which lay a couple of hours west of Mysore.
Kathmandu turned out to be a lot colder than I had expected, even with the sun shining in the middle of the day it was still advisable to wear a fleece. Not that the climate mattered because overall my experience in Kathmandu was a good one; far better in fact than what I could have hoped for. Before arriving I had little in the way of expectation and I guess that sometimes it is true that if you approach things without investing excessive anticipation in them they can turn out to be better than imagined. You just ain’t building yourself up for a fall.
The six days I stayed in Kathmandu were spent travelling around the place with a man called Phunsok to whom I had been introduced via email through a mutual friend and acquaintance. Phunsok turned out to be a thoroughly dependable and kind man and by the time we said goodbye to each other on my final morning in town I have to say I was pretty choked. We had spent many hours together by then and in that time it had seemed to me like he had had only my best interests in mind. I felt lucky that Robert had been generous enough to bring us both together.
First night in town I ended up at the Buddha Bar in Thamel. This was after walking the streets for a good while trying to find a place to eat. Don’t know what it was that made me finally walk up the steps to the Buddha Bar but I am glad that I did. The place was not too full but it was playing cool music and there was football coming out of the TV behind the bar. Man Utd. I ordered a beer and sat at the bar. Drank it slowly, sitting there and taking in the scene. Music coming out of the speakers. Friendly Nepalese all around. Felt good to be back in Kathmandu. Evocative soundscapes sending me bounding through my mind. Memories and fantasies. Sometimes the best place to be. Time passed smoothly.
Watched the football sitting there at the bar. Man Utd v Reading. Good match. Kept company by a couple of Somalis drinking beer who happened to be Man Utd fans. Small world. Also talked on and off to a dope smoking German called Jurgen who seemed like a long-term resident of Kathmandu and who had just come back from a couple of weeks trip to a national park in the south of the country. He was drinking the local rum with honey and boiled water. After a couple of beers I had one myself and I have to say that it tasted pretty damn good. My original plan had been to have a quick beer and then go off and find somewhere to eat but as it happened I ended up staying at the Buddha Bar all night. They also served up a pretty mean vegetable curry and rice as well and by the time I got back to my room at the Tibet Guest House it was past 11 pm. All in all it seemed like a pretty great re-introduction to Kathmandu. Like the 18 years were nothing and I had never been away.
Throughout my six days in Kathmandu I stayed at the Tibet Guest House. Like I said I found it on the Net and I think I struck lucky. It was a good place to stay. Cheap but not nasty. It was probably owned by Nepalis but it was run by Tibetans. It was clean and functional with good hot running water, warm and comfortable beds and cable TV. Those were really the only basics that you needed. Most nights I slept very well which was a feat in itself as usually I don’t sleep that great when in unfamiliar places. Not ever been one of those people that can just lay their heads anywhere and slip off into the land of dreams. No way, too full of nervous for that kind of easy deal. The hotel was situated right on the edge of Thamel, the tourist area of Kathmandu. From there it was just a five-minute walk to the Yak Restaurant and that was where I met Phunsok every morning.
Just about every morning that I was there I would get to the Yak about 8.30. The place was always empty which suited me just fine. My usual breakfast was the Yak Set Breakfast which weighed in at 100 NR. Fuck all in other words, sweet fuck all.For that I got an omelette, two pieces of toast and jam and a cup of coffee. The Yak was run by Tibetans, and it always seemed to be in shadow whatever time of day you happened to be in there. The seats and booths were soft and comfortable and the people there just let you be, there was never any hassle to be on your way once you had finished eating or drinking.
Days at the Yak
Timeless days
Faint sun shining through
The shaded windows,
Shadows in the street outside
Shadows inside as well,
Let my mind
Collapse into memories -
Prangs of light
Into the wooded past
So that was the yak, the place where I met Phunsok each day.
I guess it is a common thing for us all to try to feed out planks of permanence onto an ever shifting present. But it is a waste of energy as things are changing relentlessly. Trying to control this process by nailing things down in place is like trying to stop a river. To do that would mean the only certainty would be that you would get washed away.
Before arriving in Kathmandu I had been expecting the worst in terms of traffic and pollution. Whilst there is no doubt that they have increased quite dramatically since I was last there it was still not as bad as what it could have been. In fact the city with its myriad narrow streets, squares and alleyways seemed to be holding up pretty well. There were still temples everywhere and it was clear they were still well patronised, used every day. Hindu and Buddhist, mainly Hindu. The centre of the city and its squares and temples was ancient and somehow everything still seemed to be working in a manageable way. Not in a way to freak out.
It compared quite dramatically with my experience in Varanasi around 6 years previously when I had found the place too much to take. Not because of the religion and burning ghats but because of the full-on traffic pollution and the fact that it was virtually impossible to cross the road. Completely fucking full-on, and the fact that there had been virtually no investment made in the infrastructure of the place whilst traffic had increased 100 fold depressed the shit out of me. Somehow I had been imagining that Kathmandu was going to be the same bit it was not.
You aint got to fear
For the ancient city
The shapes and the temples
Are bearing up well,
Through the mists of time,
Mists of the mind,
The pictures stored in expectation
Don’t really fit,
Change before your eyes
Into something different
An experience not predicted,
Mind created pictures
Are not to be trusted
Coloured as they are
By unchecked emotion
By waves of this and that
And the painful fact
Of not getting what you want,
Ending up instead
With what you can’t put up with
The main thing I want to say about Kathmandu is that it is still possible to walk through its crowded streets and squares and be filled with wonder and inspiration. There are countless different sights and smells; an intense conglomeration of multi-angled signposts that keep sending your head spinning into another world. For now at least it still seems to have been able to hold onto something more important than just the continual obsession with material accumulation. It stands in stark contrast to India. There the big cities are truly awesome in their pace and desire to catch up and overtake the rest of the world. So much so that the pressure of just being in them can weigh you down and the frantic atmosphere can rob you of whatever serenity you might have possessed. Thankfully this is not the case in Kathmandu.
So the days in Kathmandu passed something like this – lots of city street walking, stopping by the temples and talking to Phunsok. Trying to make sense of life, make sense of the world. An impossible task if the truth be told. He gave me some good advice though, did Phunsok. The years he had spent in the company of a Tibetan lama a couple of decades ago had clearly paid off. Phunsok was able to see things from a distance, from an elevated point of view. He was able to accept and discuss about the inevitability of suffering that came along with having a human body. How problems would arise, there was simply no escaping that. But when they came it was important to think positive, to be positive. Whatever the situation that comes along there is always more than one way of looking at it. There should always be space to transform the experience. What might initially appear to be unfortunate and difficult could so easily become an opportunity for greater happiness with just a shift in perspective being all that is required.
Just as his lama must have been, Phunsok was also good company. He spoke of the love and feeling of complete security he felt in the presence of his lama. How he would never worry, despite the fact that at the time they had very little money and they were having to get by in India. Not the easiest place in the world to be when you’re broke. Throughout all this Phunsok told me that his lama was perfectly and somehow money always came along. He was able to read the minds of people very well, as if from a high vantage point it is easy to see what lies beneath. Phunsok talked to many times about his lama in this way. How his lama was able the minds of people very well.
In a similar manner it was an education for me to accompany Phunsok as we went round Kathmandu and its surroundings on his 17 year-old Suzuki. Going from shop to shop and work place to work place. Looking for things for me to order for Wisdom Books. He was always able to quickly win the trust and confidence of whoever it was that he was talking to. From my perspective it seemed to me that he approached people in a way that made them feel at ease, and to have confidence that whatever it was they were talking about was going to be worthwhile for them. He would study things in great detail, extracting from the sellers whatever information it was that he required.
You look things
In a particular way,
Approach from a path
Not necessarily known
To the ordinary man
But you bring the sun with you
Illuminating what was
Previously not seen
New Year’s Eve in Kathmandu was spent in Thamel in a place called Pub Maya. Knocking back the old Johnnie Walker’s Black Label. In fact what I had was a cold bottle of Tubourg and then a couple of Johnnies. They all tasted good. People were out celebrating Nepal style in Kathmandu. I sat on my own at the bar and looked on. The most popular kind of drinks by quite some way were cocktails and tequilas which people were putting away with gusto. By the time I left the place was rockin’ and out on the streets again there were thousands of people and high excitement was in the air. After a ½ hour wandering around and taking it all in I ended up outside the Yak where they were selling small plates of buff momos on the street. Think I ended up having 2 or 3 platefuls. Got back to my room by around 11.30 pm and saw the New Year in watching TV in bed and it all seemed just about perfect. Cold outside but nice and warm under the covers, glowing with the booze. So much for my wild nights in Kathmandu!
Used ta think
I was the Karate Kid
But the films I did
Never amounted to anything,
Now I’ll be happy to stumble through
Without something woeful happening
Before the end
Funny how the complete and utter confidence of youth can evaporate away and be replaced by a realisation of how little in your life you have actually managed to achieve. Maybe in some way Kathmandu was good for me in that respect. Opening my mind to a wider point of view and the fact within the invisible constraints that really do surround us there is only so much we can get done anyway, without it becoming a mess. In London thoughts of under-achievement can dominate my thinking. Completely and utterly dominate my thinking, believe me. Leaving me with pictures in my mind of sitting in my car as it sails over a high cliff and into space, before, being pulled down my gravity a split second later, and smashed to pieces when it lands.
Let the wind blow
Squint your eyes,
Hunch your shoulders
And bend your body
In the shape of the breeze,
Then you will fulfil
Your emotional calling
With correct posture
To face the trials of life with ease
By the end of my stay in Kathmandu I felt that I had come and done whatever it was I was supposed to do. In fact if truth be told I really did not have much idea about what it was I was going there for before I arrived, apart from vague thoughts of buying stuff for Wisdom Books. When it was time for me to go it seemed like things had gone more than satisfactorily and now it is up to me to carry on and pursue the things I hoped that I had learnt whilst I was there.
The previous few weeks for me back in London had been pretty bleak. December time. Tamdin had already left for India and I was left in the house in Woodford on my own, skulking about in the evenings on the slow draw up to Christmas. The weather had been dark and dour back then, not particularly cold but not much light either. A serial killer in East Anglia had dominated the news. There had also been problems at work with the whole heating system packing up due to the death of the 30-year old boiler in the warehouse and questions were hanging heavy over who was going to pay for it all; us or the landlord. Shitty stuff like that. It all added up to me feeling unsure whether or not it had been a good decision to buy a ticket to go out to Kathmandu to try and buy stuff for Wisdom Books to sell on the website, the main part of the business which over the last few months had seemed like it was doing OK. The idea was to source some decent statues and stuff like that in Kathmandu and so expand our range of product. Then after that was done I would take a flight back to Delhi and on to Bangalore in the south to spend a week with Tamdin and the family in Bylakuppe, the Tibetan settlement which lay a couple of hours west of Mysore.
Kathmandu turned out to be a lot colder than I had expected, even with the sun shining in the middle of the day it was still advisable to wear a fleece. Not that the climate mattered because overall my experience in Kathmandu was a good one; far better in fact than what I could have hoped for. Before arriving I had little in the way of expectation and I guess that sometimes it is true that if you approach things without investing excessive anticipation in them they can turn out to be better than imagined. You just ain’t building yourself up for a fall.
The six days I stayed in Kathmandu were spent travelling around the place with a man called Phunsok to whom I had been introduced via email through a mutual friend and acquaintance. Phunsok turned out to be a thoroughly dependable and kind man and by the time we said goodbye to each other on my final morning in town I have to say I was pretty choked. We had spent many hours together by then and in that time it had seemed to me like he had had only my best interests in mind. I felt lucky that Robert had been generous enough to bring us both together.
First night in town I ended up at the Buddha Bar in Thamel. This was after walking the streets for a good while trying to find a place to eat. Don’t know what it was that made me finally walk up the steps to the Buddha Bar but I am glad that I did. The place was not too full but it was playing cool music and there was football coming out of the TV behind the bar. Man Utd. I ordered a beer and sat at the bar. Drank it slowly, sitting there and taking in the scene. Music coming out of the speakers. Friendly Nepalese all around. Felt good to be back in Kathmandu. Evocative soundscapes sending me bounding through my mind. Memories and fantasies. Sometimes the best place to be. Time passed smoothly.
Watched the football sitting there at the bar. Man Utd v Reading. Good match. Kept company by a couple of Somalis drinking beer who happened to be Man Utd fans. Small world. Also talked on and off to a dope smoking German called Jurgen who seemed like a long-term resident of Kathmandu and who had just come back from a couple of weeks trip to a national park in the south of the country. He was drinking the local rum with honey and boiled water. After a couple of beers I had one myself and I have to say that it tasted pretty damn good. My original plan had been to have a quick beer and then go off and find somewhere to eat but as it happened I ended up staying at the Buddha Bar all night. They also served up a pretty mean vegetable curry and rice as well and by the time I got back to my room at the Tibet Guest House it was past 11 pm. All in all it seemed like a pretty great re-introduction to Kathmandu. Like the 18 years were nothing and I had never been away.
Throughout my six days in Kathmandu I stayed at the Tibet Guest House. Like I said I found it on the Net and I think I struck lucky. It was a good place to stay. Cheap but not nasty. It was probably owned by Nepalis but it was run by Tibetans. It was clean and functional with good hot running water, warm and comfortable beds and cable TV. Those were really the only basics that you needed. Most nights I slept very well which was a feat in itself as usually I don’t sleep that great when in unfamiliar places. Not ever been one of those people that can just lay their heads anywhere and slip off into the land of dreams. No way, too full of nervous for that kind of easy deal. The hotel was situated right on the edge of Thamel, the tourist area of Kathmandu. From there it was just a five-minute walk to the Yak Restaurant and that was where I met Phunsok every morning.
Just about every morning that I was there I would get to the Yak about 8.30. The place was always empty which suited me just fine. My usual breakfast was the Yak Set Breakfast which weighed in at 100 NR. Fuck all in other words, sweet fuck all.For that I got an omelette, two pieces of toast and jam and a cup of coffee. The Yak was run by Tibetans, and it always seemed to be in shadow whatever time of day you happened to be in there. The seats and booths were soft and comfortable and the people there just let you be, there was never any hassle to be on your way once you had finished eating or drinking.
Days at the Yak
Timeless days
Faint sun shining through
The shaded windows,
Shadows in the street outside
Shadows inside as well,
Let my mind
Collapse into memories -
Prangs of light
Into the wooded past
So that was the yak, the place where I met Phunsok each day.
I guess it is a common thing for us all to try to feed out planks of permanence onto an ever shifting present. But it is a waste of energy as things are changing relentlessly. Trying to control this process by nailing things down in place is like trying to stop a river. To do that would mean the only certainty would be that you would get washed away.
Before arriving in Kathmandu I had been expecting the worst in terms of traffic and pollution. Whilst there is no doubt that they have increased quite dramatically since I was last there it was still not as bad as what it could have been. In fact the city with its myriad narrow streets, squares and alleyways seemed to be holding up pretty well. There were still temples everywhere and it was clear they were still well patronised, used every day. Hindu and Buddhist, mainly Hindu. The centre of the city and its squares and temples was ancient and somehow everything still seemed to be working in a manageable way. Not in a way to freak out.
It compared quite dramatically with my experience in Varanasi around 6 years previously when I had found the place too much to take. Not because of the religion and burning ghats but because of the full-on traffic pollution and the fact that it was virtually impossible to cross the road. Completely fucking full-on, and the fact that there had been virtually no investment made in the infrastructure of the place whilst traffic had increased 100 fold depressed the shit out of me. Somehow I had been imagining that Kathmandu was going to be the same bit it was not.
You aint got to fear
For the ancient city
The shapes and the temples
Are bearing up well,
Through the mists of time,
Mists of the mind,
The pictures stored in expectation
Don’t really fit,
Change before your eyes
Into something different
An experience not predicted,
Mind created pictures
Are not to be trusted
Coloured as they are
By unchecked emotion
By waves of this and that
And the painful fact
Of not getting what you want,
Ending up instead
With what you can’t put up with
The main thing I want to say about Kathmandu is that it is still possible to walk through its crowded streets and squares and be filled with wonder and inspiration. There are countless different sights and smells; an intense conglomeration of multi-angled signposts that keep sending your head spinning into another world. For now at least it still seems to have been able to hold onto something more important than just the continual obsession with material accumulation. It stands in stark contrast to India. There the big cities are truly awesome in their pace and desire to catch up and overtake the rest of the world. So much so that the pressure of just being in them can weigh you down and the frantic atmosphere can rob you of whatever serenity you might have possessed. Thankfully this is not the case in Kathmandu.
So the days in Kathmandu passed something like this – lots of city street walking, stopping by the temples and talking to Phunsok. Trying to make sense of life, make sense of the world. An impossible task if the truth be told. He gave me some good advice though, did Phunsok. The years he had spent in the company of a Tibetan lama a couple of decades ago had clearly paid off. Phunsok was able to see things from a distance, from an elevated point of view. He was able to accept and discuss about the inevitability of suffering that came along with having a human body. How problems would arise, there was simply no escaping that. But when they came it was important to think positive, to be positive. Whatever the situation that comes along there is always more than one way of looking at it. There should always be space to transform the experience. What might initially appear to be unfortunate and difficult could so easily become an opportunity for greater happiness with just a shift in perspective being all that is required.
Just as his lama must have been, Phunsok was also good company. He spoke of the love and feeling of complete security he felt in the presence of his lama. How he would never worry, despite the fact that at the time they had very little money and they were having to get by in India. Not the easiest place in the world to be when you’re broke. Throughout all this Phunsok told me that his lama was perfectly and somehow money always came along. He was able to read the minds of people very well, as if from a high vantage point it is easy to see what lies beneath. Phunsok talked to many times about his lama in this way. How his lama was able the minds of people very well.
In a similar manner it was an education for me to accompany Phunsok as we went round Kathmandu and its surroundings on his 17 year-old Suzuki. Going from shop to shop and work place to work place. Looking for things for me to order for Wisdom Books. He was always able to quickly win the trust and confidence of whoever it was that he was talking to. From my perspective it seemed to me that he approached people in a way that made them feel at ease, and to have confidence that whatever it was they were talking about was going to be worthwhile for them. He would study things in great detail, extracting from the sellers whatever information it was that he required.
You look things
In a particular way,
Approach from a path
Not necessarily known
To the ordinary man
But you bring the sun with you
Illuminating what was
Previously not seen
New Year’s Eve in Kathmandu was spent in Thamel in a place called Pub Maya. Knocking back the old Johnnie Walker’s Black Label. In fact what I had was a cold bottle of Tubourg and then a couple of Johnnies. They all tasted good. People were out celebrating Nepal style in Kathmandu. I sat on my own at the bar and looked on. The most popular kind of drinks by quite some way were cocktails and tequilas which people were putting away with gusto. By the time I left the place was rockin’ and out on the streets again there were thousands of people and high excitement was in the air. After a ½ hour wandering around and taking it all in I ended up outside the Yak where they were selling small plates of buff momos on the street. Think I ended up having 2 or 3 platefuls. Got back to my room by around 11.30 pm and saw the New Year in watching TV in bed and it all seemed just about perfect. Cold outside but nice and warm under the covers, glowing with the booze. So much for my wild nights in Kathmandu!
Used ta think
I was the Karate Kid
But the films I did
Never amounted to anything,
Now I’ll be happy to stumble through
Without something woeful happening
Before the end
Funny how the complete and utter confidence of youth can evaporate away and be replaced by a realisation of how little in your life you have actually managed to achieve. Maybe in some way Kathmandu was good for me in that respect. Opening my mind to a wider point of view and the fact within the invisible constraints that really do surround us there is only so much we can get done anyway, without it becoming a mess. In London thoughts of under-achievement can dominate my thinking. Completely and utterly dominate my thinking, believe me. Leaving me with pictures in my mind of sitting in my car as it sails over a high cliff and into space, before, being pulled down my gravity a split second later, and smashed to pieces when it lands.
Let the wind blow
Squint your eyes,
Hunch your shoulders
And bend your body
In the shape of the breeze,
Then you will fulfil
Your emotional calling
With correct posture
To face the trials of life with ease
By the end of my stay in Kathmandu I felt that I had come and done whatever it was I was supposed to do. In fact if truth be told I really did not have much idea about what it was I was going there for before I arrived, apart from vague thoughts of buying stuff for Wisdom Books. When it was time for me to go it seemed like things had gone more than satisfactorily and now it is up to me to carry on and pursue the things I hoped that I had learnt whilst I was there.
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