Dreams an' Visions

Dreamt the dream of a thousand sleeps last night but still woke up disturbed. I was in a hospital, holding a baby that was having a heart attack or something like that. Wires and tubes all sticking out of the baby who had big eyes and was familiar to me in a way that made me think I knew that I had met him before, maybe thousands of years ago, maybe less maybe more. Beautiful baby in my arms, oh man I was so in love with that baby, that dream baby, that I would have done anything to make sure that he lived, that he survived. I pulled him off the table in the room he was in and carried him out into the corridor wires and tubes still attached to him, shouted to the nurses there was a baby in trouble, a baby whose life needed saving. They took over and as far as i knew he was OK. Strange dream. Face so familiar, so awake, even thought it was Padmasambhava.

Other night meditated and went to the hill where I call the guru, asked the guru to come. The guru was there, sitting on the grass in a patch of sun. If you meet the guru like that there is no contrivance or wasting time, you just see what is real, presented to you in an unmistaken way. Yeah, in my meditation, took a trip to the hill, saw the guru, sang his song. Padma guru, lotus one. Knew he would come as he has to, that is his vow, his deal with infinity, and for that reason he will never let me down. Sang his song, got the present I was searching for; ordinary body meditation melted away, just wasn't necessary anymore. Above me, below, and to the side the space was everywhere, stretching out of me... luminous colours full of energy strong enough to last forever and ever. Unbelievable.

Needless to say meditated again last night and it was like wading through mud, stuck in the dark. No sign of the guru or the wonderful bliss from the night before that at the time was burstin' outta me so strong it reached over every conceivable horizon. Try to repeat things and you soon find that things don't work that way. You can never return to what once was, so don't delude yourself by even tryin'.