Friday eve, comin' up to mid July, end of another workin' week dahn in de old East End o' London. Another crop circle been posted on the Net, a Mayan headress carved outta green in deepest Wilstshire - look out 2012 21/12 'coz according to a bit o' de old Mayan astro calc that is when it is all gonna kick off big time as far as de ole Armageddeo goes...we shall see, ya?
Tamdin away tonight so some time to write. For one reason or another been kinda busy over the last week, 10 days or so, and one of the things that has meant is that I ain't seemed to have had much time to get to the Sit Place an' do some meditation. Yeah, yeah I know - all is meditation, all is meditation, so what is all this differentiation between this an' that punk? An' well, ya know how it is in the books, masters say it is easy to make excuses an' that we will always invent tons of things we think we have to do in order to avoid reality on the cushion. Maybe true, maybe not. Jus' a fact that life is busy sometimes.
Last weekend, guests in the house and all that, as well as a party for local Tibetans which kinda went on long into the hot night, and it meant that catching up this week saw me dog tired in the evenings, sleeping like a log 9 times out of 10 as soon as I hit the sack, but also not able to get up that early. Managed to do the basic rounds of mantras most days but that has been it. Mantras, strings of words to pull ya to the Buddhas, kinda love 'em I've gotta say an' hardly ever feel bad after I have sat and said mantras. Fantastic, evolved outta the minds of great beings and I got all mine from the Fourteenth Dalai Lama of Tibet which if ya really think about is absolutely unbelievably incredible - fact!!
Not much rise belly fall belly though, not much chance to have a taste of the empty incredible. Maybe will try later tonite if the energy levels allow, will know pretty much as soon as I sit down 'coz if I'm tired the hot patches of unresolved pyscho-muscular tension will be there in my back an' neck. They will feel too thick, there will be too much heat to sit through. Kinda knocks on the head a bit this idea I have or like to give that I lead a life seeped in meditation - that is just a great big joke! My regular expressions of vulnerability and bewilderment that you see on these pages only confirm that.
Thing on the news at the moment about a 49 year old teacher who cracked in front of his class and smacked one of his kids round the head with some hard kinda of object so hard the kid was decked and now the teacher is up for attempted murder. Lost it in a second, smack, kid on the floor covered in blood, nightmare begins. Could be me if the things in my life ever unravel like I sometimes fear they will. Just gotta keep going I guess, what else is there to do?
Try my best, try my best to keep cool but sometimes I realise how drastically under equipped I am to deal with situations which life can throw at me. "'Ere ya go Philbo take a hold o' that one and let's see what ya can do ya cun'!" Just sit there behind my desk sometimes, in the corner of the office waiting for the big one, waiting for that piece of news to come along that is gonna knock me sideways, send me into the waters gulpin' gulpin', tryin' to reach up for air as I slowly or not so slowly go under. Feelings yeah! Oh man, feelings, feelings, we are creatures of feeling but the trick is how to handle them, how to ride them and not fall off. Don't mean tricks in the magic sense although maybe I kinda do...jus' dunno; I mean risin' to the challenge, fixin' on the duty of stayin' awake, whatever it is to keep my head up to keep a sense of dignity if it is at all possible.
So may times in the course of the day it can feel like I am throwin' my dignity away, just by the way I react to other people, by the way I react to the things they say, in the way I handle the disappointment of seeing people behaving in ways which don't conform to my expectations. Only fault in that is the limited world view I believe in; that makes me think all of the constructs of that view are true. Small eyed world views only ever lead to pain. If ya can see the big picture, then whatever comes along can be accommodated because your visions is vast and there is space for everyone and everything within that vision to do exactly as they please.
Just the other day was saying to Robert as we rode in the car down the road from Cambridge, through the crazy Gog Magog hills in fact, that the secret to bein' a great teacher to others was to let people see just how much you are in love with life and how you just can't get enough of this reality. This love will then permeate the atmoshpere and leave others wanting a taste of it as well, yeah a taste of the good stuff which makes ya wanna live life for ever an' ever... That is the goal, that is the way to bring the message of the empty incredible to others. If ya can't do that then it is jus' words, jus' talking, talking; walkin' the walk but nah nah nah not in any kinda way struttin' ya stuff! Jus' words spoutin', lessons given but all within a feelin' of grey, of black an' white instead of bein' within the luminous wash of the empty incredible where the invsible light of the indescribable eats up anything and everything.
How! How!
Um big heap lovable
life situation 'tis goin on 'ere!!
How! How!
Um big heap possible
Ya gotta be able to make things go like puff!!
Go like something that people may go
"Oh mah goggle, 'e got the stuff o' da empty incredible!!"
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