Grey day, Sat morn. Not yet 7.30 and I was up at 7. Down to Oxford today and then after that to Chippenham. Made my coffee and spent 15 mins or so browsing the papers on the Net. Sally Clark, the solicitor who was wrongly convicted and imprisoned here back in '99 of murdering her two sons, has died. I find this incredibly sad. She was only 42 and clearly she had never recovered either from the deaths of her sons or the nightmare situation of being sent to prison because the state thought she killed them. So sad. There is a picture of her on her release from prison who is now being reprinted in the papers. Blond hair and burning blue eyes which when I see them now speak of an experience beyond the comprehensionof 99.9% of the population. They speak of an experience that has burnt into her consciousness for the rest of this life and beyond, well beyond.
Comments by friends say that she never recovered from her ordeal and that she died in her sleep. You would have to be a remarkable individual to shake an experience like that off. It is easy sometimes to think that if the same thing happened to me I would be able to integrate into my practice of Buddhism and meditation; deal with it in a way so that it is does not end up destroying me. But the fact of the matter is that it is far easier said than done. It is only going to be when you find yourself in such a situation that you know whether or not you really have that much to fall back on in terms of healing energy, that much in reserve.
It is an indication of how fickle, how changeable and uncontrollable life can be. 10 years ago Sally Clark was a successful solicitor with two sons. Now she is dead at 42, her sons are dead and she spent nearly five years in prison beacuse the state thought that she killed them. Her burning blue eyes in that picture of her on her release from prison now stay me. It is obvious she had been to a place that made her unreachable and that the only road to release was the one which has led to her early death at the age of 42, nearly three years younger than me. Om mani padme hum. Rest in peace Sally Clark.
I think of my life in comparison and I see how trivial and disaster free it is. Here I am, still walking the earth full of wonder at the age of 45 and still getting excited about things like going into town to pick up a bunch of Doobies albums from the '70s, now remastered, repackaged and on Japanese import for a tenner each at the HMV Meg in Oxford St. A complete and utter bargain.
Yes, how trivial and trouble free my life is in comparison! Means I can never have cause to complain, never, never. But that aint gonna stop me from trying I'm sure. Aint gonna stop me from bad mouthing my parents over perceived wrongs in their dealings between me and my sister for example, aint gonna stop me sounding like the shit is falling from outta my arse when I get onto talking about the boiler at Wisdom Books and the pressures we have in meeting potentially very high new rent demands.
Walked back from Oxford St yesterday afternoon to Liverpool St station. Went in on the tube and instead of getting off in the City and walkin' west and into the sun I decided to do it the other way around. Got to HMV by around 2.45 or 3 I guess I can't remember now. Picked up the 3 Doobies CDs - Livin' on the Fault Line / Minute by Minute / Takin' It to the Streets and then got out of there. Didn't wanna stay there any longer than what was necessary.
Shot off across the Street and then down Poland St and into the heart of Soho. Cut across east and emerged just south of Soho Sq, along Manette St then across Charing X Rd, down Denmark St and onto the top of Shaftesbury Ave. Then it was down Bloomsbury Way across Southampton Row and onto Theobalds. Here I took a rain check at a Starbucks on Theobalds and had my usual, a fresh coffee grande. Best drink in the world for me when I'm in the mood for one.
Always like to Buck it up when I'm in town if I get the opportunity. I like those small and narrow Bucks where you can sit on a stool by the window and watch the never ending procession of London street life go right on by before you. An' that is exactly what I did in the Bucks on Theobalds whilst hungrily unwrapping my cellophane wrapped Doobies and poring over the fully restored artwork that these immaculate Japanese remasters offer the lucky punter such as moi. Really I think this Japanese series of remasters is good enough to submit to the Tate of Britain or something like that. Tate O' Britannia. Each one is a work of art; collectively they make a truly fantastic series right through from the debut self titled album to One Step Closer, released when they were megastars at the start of the '80s.
Yeah, well, anyway I guess all this getting a bit too much. Dooberator related stuff... going on and on and on about the Doobies and all the songs I'm gonna playlist on me Pod. If yers 'as never 'eard o' dem before then ya gonna be wonderin' what de fock is dis geezer goonin' on aboot. Believe me though if you are ever lucky enough to get into them then you will see what I mean.
After Bucking it up for 20 mins or so I was back on the streets and off down Theobalds again, past Greys Inn Fileds and then down Greys Inn Road before cutting across Brooke Street market and the back of Hatton Garden. Down Greville St, across Farringdon and into Smithfields. Come to be one of my favourite parts of town round here. Usually here on the weekends when it is a lot emptier. This time it was Friday pm so still quite busy.
Through Smithfields and then up onto the Barbican Highwalk by Barbican station. Down Seddon Walk west side of the Barbican and along the elevated walkways till dropping down onto Moorgate. Usual cityscape available for me to gaze over an' ponder as I strode through from on high. As usual so much to take in and see. The continual activity of rennovation and creation in this part of London always blows my mind man, always blows my mind. Period. Been going on ever since the Romans nearly 2000 years ago and it is unstoppable. A triumph of continual reclaimation.
Through Finsbury Sq then and down into Liverpool St. Got back to Woodford by 5 which was not too bad. Then a bit of time spent poddin' it with the Doobies and my new Bose sounddock. What to say? Hours went by. With the Bose I also got a voucher for 20 free itunes which I had spent by the end of the evening. Not entirely satisfied with my selection, mainly a combination of classical and easy listening. I guess I did it out of greed and the fact the 20 itunes were just waiting there to be spent. I didn't have the patience to hang fire for a little while, think it through and then pick up some stuff that I really wanted. Just went ahead and downloaded stuff instead. Turned into a bit of a desperate trawl around to use up the credits and get the damn things over an' done. Could have done better I guess.
Sun Pm now. Early afternoon. Blowy as hell. They said there would be storms and it looks like they're right. Winds coming in from the north. Apparently it is Scotland that is getting it worst but even down 'ere in da Smoke ya can feel it, aint no doubt about that.
Feelin' kinda tired. Long day yesterday that saw me up at 7 doin' this an' that for a couple of hours (bloggin' it an' poddin' it) before drivin' down to Oxford to see Robert and show him the statues that have come in from Nepal. After that it was cross country from Oxford to Corsham which is a small town west of Chippenham to pick up Tamdin., Then back on the M4 eastbound to London where we arrived back in Woodofrd at just gone 7pm. Dinner was beef noodles after a couple of cold Heinekens.
Tamdin would have preferred to have been drinking Leffe but I'm afraid I blew that one as I forgot to buy any stock for her. Kinda see her point, although I have been speaking Heinekenese for a coupla weeks now, getting into these little green an' silva cans shipped across from Amsterdam I have to say that sometimes I could do with slurping something a little stronger. The small 'Kens weigh in at 5% alcohol vol whilst bottles of Leffe Blonde hit a healthy 6.6%; you get a definite buzz on after downing a couple of those. An' that's all ya need at the end of the day, a buzz to soften the edges. Have to get down to Majestic Wine soon and pick up a coupla cases. They sell 'em there sometimes for a good price, so if I strike lucky that will solve the problem. Always a good feelin' when there is booze in the house, either in the fridge or stored down in the garage.
Relieved that Robert thought the statues were good. He liked the faces and he studied them well enough and long enough for me to be reassured by his comments. Think he is still grieving over the death of his daughter. Bound to be. Not yet a year. Kind of difficult to know what to say, I aint been anywhere near that kinda experience in my life so as far as advice and comfort are concerned I guess I am close to useless. Like so many other things, close to useless...close to fuckin' useless. He showed me some amazing Nepalese art and I regretted not getting there earlier as I was pushed for time and would have appreciated an extra couple of hours letting him show me stuff and explain it to me. Time was pressin' on however, and I had to go after a coupla hours, so much in the way of demands on time these days...
The ride west of Oxford down to Swindon was good, always good to drive on a bit of road you aint been down before. Wiltshire, the vale of Wiltshire. Middle England country, kind of... actually sometimes you get more of a sense of being on an island the further inland you are and away from the coast than when you are actually on the coast. Don't know why that is, must have something to do with the curve of the earth and the faint smell of the sea just beyond the horizon. Drivin' into the early Spring mid-March sun in the middle of a Sat afternoon. Drivin' into the west. Turning my head to look out the window at the scene passing by me, catching glimpses of valleys and vales I had never seen before, followin' the curve of the road. Easy drivin', a real pleasure.
Managed to remember the place in Corsham from where I was supposed to go to pick up Tamdin. She had been there for two days seeing patients at the house of local Buddhists, a couple, Richard and Anne-Marie. Such nice people, good people, kind people. Couldn't stay long when I got there as Tamdin had finished for the day and Richard and Anne-Marie were on their way out to attend a local meditation session at another gaff in the village. I just had enough time for a cup of tea and I realised sittin' there that I was knackered. Must have looked it as well as Tamdin commented on it straight away when she saw me. Saying I looked like some kind of zombie, spaced out. Rigours of the road I guess.
Maybe I aint quite as young these days as I think I am. Livin' an illusion. Thoughts crossed my mind yesterday or the day before of going to one of the fancy hairdressers in Woodford and forking out for some serious hair colouring to put on me nut. Get rid of the ever encroaching hullabaloo. Go for blonde, beach blonde or something staggering like that. Like the guys outta Point Break. Total change. Stun people. Something which I aint ever done before but maybe I should do so just the once, you know, just for the fuck of it. We shall see. There is the small matter of guts an' bottle to factor into it all and when it comes to those kinda things I usually find I am in short supply. Still, ya never know. Might surprise myself., and others.
Back on the road to London it was easy cruisin' and it was tricky not steaming along at 90 to 100 mph which would have got me an instant pullover from the Traffic Pogz if any were about but there werent so that was that. Guess you can say I got away with it, along with the countless thousands of others who were all doing exactly the same thing. Life eh... don't ya just love it? Bombing back down the highway to the Big City, city of bright lights, city of Celtic earth magic, Romans an' Ango-Saxons, to name but just a few. Before we knew it we were off the M4 an' swinging round the ole' rubber tyre of an M25 before swoopin' down through the Forest to Woodford. Dusk had just descended. there were the first hints that the evenings are now begnnning to slowly but surely stretch out again in terms of the amount of daylight on offer. Middle of March, best yet to come.
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