Karma Glue

Random thoughts, idle jots...who knows where they will lead? Nowhere probably I guess. Just about to book a ticket to go out to India. Yes, India again. Think I have been there pretty much every year since 2000. That's the way it goes. That is just the way the cards have fallen I. Go out there to visit the family, Tamdin's family strictly speaking, but mine as well I guess. Down in the south, the deep south of India. Karnataka. West of Mysore a couple of hours. Still gonna be the hot season down there, hot and sticky but that is OK, maybe hot and sticky is what I need. Beers on the roof again, can't be bad. Head pulled back and looking up at the stars, seeing satellites, sensing the spirits of the country, the deep country of Karnataka. Looking forward to it I guess, in a tired and oh so familiar kind of way. Like I said, been there so many times before. That is just the way the cards have fallen. Some people get to go to the Carribean year in year out, stretch themselves out on beaches made in paradise... or maybe they go up in the mountains skiiing their hearts out amongst all that snow, skiing like pros, skiing like the chosen people. Well I get to do nothing like that, just back and back again to South India where a bunch of Tibetans live in exile, slowly but surely being forgotten by the rest of the world. Being forgotten by themselves even as so many of them now have their heads full of dreams of going to America the land of milk and honey, the 21st century Shambhala in the eyes of the Tibetans where all their dreams will come true. And they might.

What will I do when I get there? Same things as usual; speak a bit of broken Tibetan, hang about on the roof jotting pieces of stuff down in my notebook, spend some time my carefully selected books, do a bit of meditation and that is about it. Rest of the time try not to get too bored and to look completely and utterly lost. Same old deal in other words. Been doing it for so many years now it is almost second nature to me. Oh yes, there will be the usual eating quite a bit of delicious food and drinking beers in the evening time. Nice, no complaints about that. No doubt I will be going through patches of paranoia as well as I think to myself "Shit, here I am the only pale skin with a bunch of Tibetans who are speaking a language I can hardly understand despite the fact I have been coming out to see most years for nearly 20 years. What went wrong? Why do I still have so many limitations? Damn strange thing in an unbelievably sad, middle aged already seeing the end of the road pathetic kind of way. I can hardly bring myself to explain how it has come to be. Must be the prayers of others that keeps the whole show on the road. People race past me year after year but here I am still, in the backwaters of life watching the time pass by, slowly but surely losing the energy that I still possess as my face gets fatter and my belly too. What is it that I am supposed to do?

Karma. Feel it now, hard and fast. Only so much one can do without blowing the whole deal apart, leaving things messy, bloody and a sight that no one really wants to see. India, land of exotic dreams for many. Land of pligirmage, land of the multi-headed myriad coloured dream deities who can turn your world inside out. Yes, there is all of that, and then punks like me come along with so little to offer if truth be told, but there you are, it is how it is. Karma. Back to India. Sitting in the car staring out upon the dust, the roadside shacks looking like any minute they will fall over, the fruit stalls...yeah all of that, the signs of life that you pass by all in a blur. Sunsets over the fields and the hills in the distance out to the west, red sun behind them, all of it looking unbelievably beautiful. Turn my head back east and watch the moon rise above the shadows of the holy hill further into the land, brings on all kinds of thoughts in me. Don't know if those thoughts will ever add up to anything. Thoughts of India... better get out my Tibetan notes and brush up yet again, on all those things that I still don't really know even after all this time, ha ha, hee hee. But what else is it that I can do? The consistency year in, year out, that is about the best that I can come up with. Keep on going whilst my health is OK, try to keep the connection with the people. So there you go, that is how it is. I can see it all now. Sitting on the roof with old man Namkha as he drinks his whiskey down and me sipping on a local beer. Complete opposite to those 21st century dreams of the ipod generation, only know the pod is now a pad, but it don't really matter, they would be unable to see the beauty of the basic dust of life even if it rose up and hit them in the face.

Drink it down, this karma, this destiny to do what you have to keep on keeping on. Last year I wrote a bunch of poems when I was there or at least what I thought were poems and I gotta admit I was pretty happy with them. Thought they were good in an oh so modest kind of way. They are there for all to see on Ghost Eternal 2. Maybe same thing will happen again this time round, strike lucky, but lightning don't really ever strike twice. Don't matter as long as I don't up in some kinda scrape which with my profoundly unadventurous spirit is unlikely anyway. Hit the road see a bit of the country if I can. Stare out in wonder, happy briefly, but still as stuck as ever.