Work Blues

Tough day today. Thurs. Tired of everything. No business for a start which never helps, makes me wonder in fact what is gonna happen this year and whether or not we have the strength to pull through. Supposed to be signing a new lease which would keep us at our current address for another 10 years but if business remains as quiet as it is at the moment it will be a miracle if we last more than another 10 weeks.

Difficult sometimes not to also feel completely and utterly sick of the sight of the guys I work with. Just want it all to fade away and radiate...either me or them. Leaves me wondering what kinda things I have done so that the circumstances are as such that these guys are the people with whom I have ended up spending my working life with. Just makes me feel sometimes like I am a workhorse whose only future is waitin' for the time when it all comes to an end. For the time when I am put out in a field for a few years to chew some fodder before keeling over dead.

Sometimes I appreciate my work colleagues but honestly speaking, more often than not, I can't stand the sight or the sound of them these days. And I'm sure the same goes for how they think of me, would be kinda flabbergasted if they don't think something like that. We have just all been together too long and it feels that we only stay there because we really have no clue what else it is that we are supposed to do. Just keep plodding on, nice an' anonymous but really it's so dull dull dull. Boring, boring , boring. Is this really the best that I am going to do with my life?

What is it that leads me to crave safety and to think that I have found it in a stable form of employment when in actual fact all I am doing is slowly but surely boring myself to death? Letting work suck the life out of me. Just have never got it together to walk away, mainly beacuse I completely lack any kind of other skill, not that what I do is any form of skill, it's just a way of passing time, and no great knowledge is really needed to do what I do. So the need for security has brought me to this. But what is the price I have paid? More or less paid with the freedom of my life, by the fact I have to shut my mouth, grin and bear it when the people around me do or say things that totally and utterly get on my nerves. To the point where I wanna split their heads open with an axe, an' see all that goo.

If I let them have it, well, to be honest I don't think I would be able to articulate what it is I would want to say anyway. Not that I am any different really, how can I be? We are all tarred with the same brush to varying degrees and really a part of me just so much wants us to all put our hands up in the air at the same time and declare that yeah it is time to call it a day. It will never happen though, we're gonna go on till the bitter end, until eventually I will be left crawling through the dust in the elusive search for any kind of happiness or contentment.

ode of infinite regret

work blues
you get them bad
when ya don't break the rules
when ya can't see
what ya have to do
to break free,
but rather you crawl
into ya shell
'coz ya think there
lies security
when really it's just
the coward's way
an' yeah, it has led
you to this point
in ya life
where ya just wanna
crouch down on the ground
an' cry those hot tears